A new perspective
I awoke this morning much like every other morning. The sun peeking through my blinds and the bark of the neighbor’s dog. The drone of morning traffic and the complex machine that is my mind already grinding and processing the decision’s I will face today. This is another morning without the need for my alarm clock. Another morning where yesterdays rationale just doesn’t seem to fit into today. Already another perspective begins to develop. Ive already thought about a thousand things today and I still haven’t left my bed. I’m pretty sure if staring at the ceiling was a popular hobby, well I would have mastered it by now. The morning ritual has commenced, its time to get up.
I am only 26 yrs old. I have a steady job. I own my own home. I have a canine companion. I feel as though I have made the right choices and my progression is smiled upon by family and loved ones. But to be quite honest, I could care less. I know I know appreciate what you have. Were in a economic recession, thousands of people everywhere are losing their jobs! Well…I am not. If I should find myself in financial jeopardy and lose all I have worked for, then Ill deal with that state of mind when and If that should become a reality.
Something has been happening inside me for quite some time now. At first I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad. Ive always been on the outside looking in. An outsider, always “The new guy”. Always able to become a ghost. No I wasn’t the creepy guy in high school that everyone was afraid of. No I am not psychotic. I actually function quite well in a social setting. My group of ”friends” are thought of as “popular” if that’s your thing. Somehow my mind has escaped, gotten out of its box. I struggled to control it but I’m not so sure I want to put it back in anymore. I never realized what a beautiful, majestic, and perfectly chaotic world we live in. Human nature is truly amazing. Its amazing the sacrifices people make day to day. Its amazing what people choose to throw away and what to keep. What people find as important and what gets passed through their mind without so much as a moment to analyze it like one of those machines in the airport that peers into your luggage. I have been told I over analyze everything. Maybe this is true. But, is it a gift or a curse? I’m on the verge of a new perspective. Hopefully one that will lead me to happiness. I won’t say that I’m unhappy. Lets just define it as suspended. I’m suspended with a dash of numb. I was going to write all of this down in a leather notebook but my pen ran out of juice. Its all spilling out and I needed to channel it somewhere. So here I am, and here it starts. I’m hoping this helps me. Whatever is going on inside me, its seeping out into my day to day. Its making its mark on the people I interact with. Something has dissolved my filter and all the things that one would normally think and not say, well, I find myself saying them. A friend called it being self righteous. Well I can be that if i want, I’m not a dead beat. If I could instill in many the morals and values that generations of my family have instilled in me then I would open a factory with an assembly line. Some call it hero syndrome. Some call it self righteous. Well its just me. Save the text book definitions and labels cause although through these blogs you might come to find we have things in common, just remember one thing. You only know about me what I choose to tell you. And your perspective of me is based on only what little pieces of the real me I reveal. I’m not trying to play a game here and I’m not trying to be mysterious. We are all unique. I am open to criticism and am quite fond of it. I’m doing this to learn more about myself. Hopefully spewing my thoughts into this blog will allow me to catch something I’m clearly missing. I think that’s enough for now. Its time to continue with my morning routine. Next up, shower & shave. Actually no, today ill leave the scruff. I feel weathered and today I want to look it. Its fun to take full advantage of the little choices we have. Choices are real power. And because I want to end this blog on an even 800 word count I will finish this with a simple thank you and goodbye for now.
