R.I.P Toy Stores
So I work in specialty retail selling, servicing, and chemically maintaining pools/hot tubs. I’ve always worked in specialty retail for the most part. I find it much more rewarding, and challenging in building trust with people. I’m a pretty big retail guru in all. I thoroughly enjoy the interaction process with how people make buying decisions. It’s easy for me to get off topic here so I’ll get right to the point. We can go and dissect retail in another blog later on.
We are one week out from Christmas, one of my favorite holidays. See I used to work at a local toy store. This toy store was HUGE. I mean that literally. It was located in a local plaza along with some other popular stores. The plaza was shaped like half of a square. At that time there were four “big draws” , or large stores in that plaza amongst smaller businesses as well. There was P & C Foods, Fashion Bug, JC Penny, and then the big Toy Works toy store. This place nearly took up one whole side of the plaza all on its own. It was amazing, and I miss it. I started there as a seasonal Christmas employee back in December of 2002. My good friend Andrew had worked there and encouraged me to apply. It was a truly awesome experience. Usually the seasonal employees would be laid off soon after the new year as the job was only temporary for them. A lucky select chosen few would be given an opportunity to stay and join the team part-time at first, and opportunities to achieve full-time thereafter when it presented itself. I like to think it was my exceptional work ethic alone that landed me a permanent job there but I think I might have had Andrew to thank for that one. Anyways so it began, Christmas season was over and I was a full-blown part-time KB Toy Works employee. It was time to see how this place functioned outside of the chaotic holiday season as a retail toy giant here in our small Finger Lakes community. I must say that what I experienced in those post holiday seasons still has a major impact on me today. Kids getting excited during Christmas, well that’s just a given. Parents turning into tunnel visioned lunatics searching for the hottest toy each season, well that’s just a given too. It was what I witnessed in the off-season that etched itself into my memory. I can remember one particular slow weekday evening just before spring. I was leaning against the video counter pondering the after work plans of mass alcohol consumption as I had turned twenty-one that year. I noticed a father and what had to be maybe an eight or nine-year old son headed my way down the main aisle in front of the counter. They strolled along, the son pointing at various action figures, legos, and rc cars smiling and clearly excited to be here. I mean come on, I know I keep saying this but the place was f’ing huge. I remember being a kid going in there and I felt like I was in heaven. Heaven at that age was toys, tons of them everywhere, and this was the place. So they strolled along, son pointing, dad smiling as junior led the way around the store. I left my post and decided to follow a little while before offering my help in navigating this metropolis of toys. I admired the innocence of the whole situation unfolding. I soon approached, greeting them and asking if they were looking for anything special. The little boy responded swiftly with ” I cleaned my room all by myself today and my dad said I can buy a wolverine action figure!” (this sounded much cuter coming from him and not me typing it). First neat detail, he said he was going to buy it. It’s neat because kids do that, I knew his dad was going to purchase it but in the kids head he was leading the show. Neat detail #2, his dad was rewarding him for a job well done. I love thinking about this part. Now that I am growing older I can appreciate how precious time is. This father took the time to honor their arrangement once his son completed the task. That’s great, kudos to that dad. There are several more details that struck a chord with me but you get the point. Onward to aisle 4 (action figures), let’s get this kid a wolverine figurine. I stood and watched as he ravaged my neatly organized X-men figure section. His excitement peaked as soon as he found the Marvel Legends Wolverine hiding in the back of the bunch. He turned to his father to show him, his father smiled back and asked if that was the one he wanted. I escorted them up to the video counter to check them out. Both father and son left The Toy Works happy that day.
There are so many memories I look back at like the father and son action figure day. Kids being rewarded for high scoring report cards, grandmas spoiling grandchildren on birthdays, and kids spending hard earned “chore” money on the latest toy desired. Im not against “big box” discount chains, but I am a little turned off by the diluted shopping experience. Theres something to be said for a retail store dedicated to providing happiness for children. The days of KB, FAO Schwarz, Toys R Us, and many of the other special toys stores I fear have fallen victim to discount chains. I ventured into the local Wal-Mart this past week to find my little sister a toy and was disheartened by the lack of organization. Even the outdoor seasonal section of the store was packed with toys, but only a month from now it will be reassigned a new theme to pack the shelves with. We all know full well that walking into a store means buying something and spending money, and that the merchant is there to sell us something. It’s when the “selling us something” seems to take full priority with a merchant that some what taints my shopping experience. Both as a shopper and eventually an employee of Toy Works it was always a welcoming feeling when a clerk offered me help, and backed that help with knowledge of what I was looking for. Nowadays I walk into toy departments and am mostly offered help from an adjacent “sports” or “auto supplies” department employee with no more interest in toys than they are learning the ancient latin language. It’s just sad is all. At least offer to make me breakfast the morning after if you know what I mean.
I just wanted to dedicate a blog post to these memorable companies. The nostalgia always pours in during christmas, thinking about the toys I had when I was a kid. The times when my parents or grandmother used to take me down to the local toy store are cherished. Maybe someday they will return for future generations to experience. My hat goes off to the visionaries of yesterday that merged success with creating fun atmospheres for children’s treasures, R.I.P toy stores.
I’m back…
Wow its been awhile. So many things have happened since I have written here. For anyone who has read my previous post in personal discovery, I thank you. I hope maybe you found something to connect with in my words. I still think about that morning, my mind on the brink of something I couldn’t describe. My eyes were being opened to something that was there all along, but I never took the time to appreciate. Id like to take this time to explain my journey. A journey into myself.
I wrote my last piece during a time of complete isolation. As I have stated previously I have always been a loner, somewhat of an outcast. What I failed to distinguish previously was that there is a rather large difference between being “alone” and being “lonely”. No matter how independent I thought I was, the reality was I felt lonely. Now stop right there, I know your painting that non conformist ” I am a rock, I am an island” image. That wasnt me. What im describing is something I believe that mopst of us don’t like to admit. Some people bury themselves in hobbies, bars, friends, family, but at the end of the day it creeps in. Some people leave their hometowns in pursuit of happiness and ”new faces”. I have had friends that move away, boast about how amazing their new town is, and within a year the same friends are reminiscing about how much nicer it was “back home”. Funny thing our minds, they trim and shape our memories for us to better remember the good parts. Most of the time the reasons to change the things around us our are just as cloaked in denial as our own self images on whether we are happy or not. You can change the faces, buildings and even the weather you choose to live in, but at the end of the day when you lay your head down on your pillow, the same ghosts will come to haunt you if you can’t be honest with yourself. Everything I write is just my opinion, so I don’t expect everyone who reads this to agree. Its my own opinion, and ultimately what lead me to my own happiness that brings me to this blog today. I have merged my loneliness with being alone. The key is to be completely content with being alone. Cherish it even. If you can be alone without being lonely you have stripped so much unnecessary weight from your mind. Shed light into those dark crevices in your mind. Face your inner critic and take control. We aren’t here on this planet for very long in comparison to the bigger scheme of life, so don’t spend the majority of it chasing delusions. Heres where you get offended. I’m not attacking your dreams of becoming famous, or the next president. That is all good as gold. I’m simply just trying to help cut through the nonsense. What I am saying is that it was my own nonsense that led me to where I am at now. I am almost thirty years old and I am thankful that my eyes are open now. I’ll tell you this neat trick my father taught me a while back. I know we all get sick of our drives to work, home, and the same boring drive to the grocery store. But next time on your way to one of these places, try to notice something that stands out. For me I’ve been noticing the trees. Or on my way home there’s this old rundown cemetery where I’m pretty sure the most recent grave would be dated somewhere around 1819. I’ve been driving by that cemetery for years. But I never noticed the stones in detail before, now I do. Or the huge white oak that stands out in the farmer’s field on my way down to work. That is an awesome freaking tree. Its been there much longer than myself, or my parents for that matter, but I just noticed it the other day. Its small gestures like these that can help build the foundation for a healthy mind. It’s too easy to get caught up in all the crap going on around us. I mean come on, crap is on wholesale these days. But there just as many good things to look forward to as well. Now put your index finger to your head and repeat: “it all starts up here”. And now keep that finger where it is and place your other hand on your heart. Hell, stand in front of a mirror and face yourself, this stuff works. Now say this aloud: “My happiness all starts up here. Do my day-to-day decisions up here (head) agree with what im feeling in here (heart)”. If you can honestly face yourself and those two things agree, well then that awesome. No really, it beautiful actually. I think most are in denial about that part of their lives. Now if you disagree with that little test, that’s cool too. I’m just trying to explain my journey here. My journey started with facing myself just like that, and with little gestures like noting new things while driving around on my day-to-day. Next thing I knew I began putting myself in new situations just to purge my own anxiety. It was a lot of fun. I felt like a frontline soldier in the trenches of my mind. One of the things during that time which still amazes me today is the lack of kindness I met. I began saying “hi” to strangers more, holding doors, and exercising public patience. Public patience in itself is a battle royale so ill save that for another blog. It’s amusing to say “hi” to strangers and get a look in return that would suggest I should be in a straight jacket. Its pretty sad actually. It was all these little things I began doing that slowly empowered me. My inner happiness factory was beginning to produce again. I had a long way to go, and still do, but it began. That momentum of positive energy was building. I don’t think I could ever go back to that state of mind if I tried my hardest even now.
Well I have to go now. I am going to be more faithful to my writing. This blog isn’t over, it’s just beginning. Hang here with me in my words if you find them comforting. There is a lot more for me to tell. Thank you.
A new perspective
I awoke this morning much like every other morning. The sun peeking through my blinds and the bark of the neighbor’s dog. The drone of morning traffic and the complex machine that is my mind already grinding and processing the decision’s I will face today. This is another morning without the need for my alarm clock. Another morning where yesterdays rationale just doesn’t seem to fit into today. Already another perspective begins to develop. Ive already thought about a thousand things today and I still haven’t left my bed. I’m pretty sure if staring at the ceiling was a popular hobby, well I would have mastered it by now. The morning ritual has commenced, its time to get up.
I am only 26 yrs old. I have a steady job. I own my own home. I have a canine companion. I feel as though I have made the right choices and my progression is smiled upon by family and loved ones. But to be quite honest, I could care less. I know I know appreciate what you have. Were in a economic recession, thousands of people everywhere are losing their jobs! Well…I am not. If I should find myself in financial jeopardy and lose all I have worked for, then Ill deal with that state of mind when and If that should become a reality.
Something has been happening inside me for quite some time now. At first I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad. Ive always been on the outside looking in. An outsider, always “The new guy”. Always able to become a ghost. No I wasn’t the creepy guy in high school that everyone was afraid of. No I am not psychotic. I actually function quite well in a social setting. My group of ”friends” are thought of as “popular” if that’s your thing. Somehow my mind has escaped, gotten out of its box. I struggled to control it but I’m not so sure I want to put it back in anymore. I never realized what a beautiful, majestic, and perfectly chaotic world we live in. Human nature is truly amazing. Its amazing the sacrifices people make day to day. Its amazing what people choose to throw away and what to keep. What people find as important and what gets passed through their mind without so much as a moment to analyze it like one of those machines in the airport that peers into your luggage. I have been told I over analyze everything. Maybe this is true. But, is it a gift or a curse? I’m on the verge of a new perspective. Hopefully one that will lead me to happiness. I won’t say that I’m unhappy. Lets just define it as suspended. I’m suspended with a dash of numb. I was going to write all of this down in a leather notebook but my pen ran out of juice. Its all spilling out and I needed to channel it somewhere. So here I am, and here it starts. I’m hoping this helps me. Whatever is going on inside me, its seeping out into my day to day. Its making its mark on the people I interact with. Something has dissolved my filter and all the things that one would normally think and not say, well, I find myself saying them. A friend called it being self righteous. Well I can be that if i want, I’m not a dead beat. If I could instill in many the morals and values that generations of my family have instilled in me then I would open a factory with an assembly line. Some call it hero syndrome. Some call it self righteous. Well its just me. Save the text book definitions and labels cause although through these blogs you might come to find we have things in common, just remember one thing. You only know about me what I choose to tell you. And your perspective of me is based on only what little pieces of the real me I reveal. I’m not trying to play a game here and I’m not trying to be mysterious. We are all unique. I am open to criticism and am quite fond of it. I’m doing this to learn more about myself. Hopefully spewing my thoughts into this blog will allow me to catch something I’m clearly missing. I think that’s enough for now. Its time to continue with my morning routine. Next up, shower & shave. Actually no, today ill leave the scruff. I feel weathered and today I want to look it. Its fun to take full advantage of the little choices we have. Choices are real power. And because I want to end this blog on an even 800 word count I will finish this with a simple thank you and goodbye for now.
